Strongman Life: Kilted Wisdom!

August 1, 2017

A bit of a rant here, if I may (and I may, because it’s my freaking column).  One of the things I hate the most is seeing people post stupid shit about the “grind” of lifting on social media.  Oh…woe is me…my life is so hard…but I’m dragging myself back to the grind at the gym so I can defeat my enemies/prove my haters wrong/some other spurious bullshit.  Seriously people, for the love of all that is holy, would you please stop with that self-aggrandizing, Costco-sized bucket of complete horseshit already?   

 

Honestly, and I don’t give this kind of advice very often, but if this sport and training for it is  really nothing more than drudgery to you and makes your life so miserable, just fucking quit already.  You’re not inspiring people with your brave excursions to the gym.  They’re not looking at you and thinking “what a wonderful role model to pattern myself after.”  They look at your posts and think “Damn…that sport sucks!  I think I’ll just go back to trying to rub one out to The View.”  

 

Listen, for the vast majority of people, life contains nothing but drudgery.  They wake up and drag their ass off to a job that’s boring and unfulfilling, then come home to a marriage that is boring and unfulfilling, then try to convince their kids that life doesn’t suck, followed by watching some boring and unfulfilling TV shows, and once a month or so, some boring and unfulfilling sex.  Nothing but missionary…ever.  And you can’t be too loud because it might wake the kids or cause the dog to jump on the bed and nothing kills the mood quite like an ice cold dog nose to the O-ring.  

 

My greater point being, there is already MORE than enough drudgery in everyday life for most people.  Why in the hell would you want to add more of that?  Life is very often little more than a ton of boring, miserable routine activities briefly interrupted by horrible tragedies and a precious few awesome and special moments.  Being involved in a strength sport is meant to bring more of those special awesome moments, not to be just another turd in the bowl.  If the sport is no longer fun for you, maybe take some time to remember why you started in the first place, assuming it wasn’t just to prove the “haters” wrong or some shit (in which case, don’t let the door hit you on your pompous ass on the way out).  If that doesn’t work, then get out and find something that doesn’t suck for you.  You’ll be happier, those of us who love the sport will be happier, and you won’t be scaring new people away from our sport with your miserable bullshit.  Everybody wins!  

 

Random Thought:  Everyone wants to do great things, but few people want to do the little things to become great.  People get so caught up in wanting to make big improvements all at once and lost sight of the fact that a lot of small improvements over time equal out to huge improvements.  Just suck a little bit less each time and you’ll be amazed where you end up.  

 

Useful Advice:  Speaking of boring sex…don’t be afraid to buy furniture specifically because it could allow for otherwise impossible positions.  A nice, sturdy couch and ottoman can work miracles…

 

Chris is USS Ohio State Co-Rep, a strongman promoter and passable masters competitor, having spent his formative years training with Steve Slater.  Chris was voted "Whitest Man in South Columbus" for three straight years and was recently named in an injury lawsuit by several Greenpeace volunteers who suffered multiple contusions after trying to drag Chris back into the ocean after he laid down on the beach.  

 

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