Strongman Life: Kilted Wisdom!

May 14, 2015


 At the Arnold this year, a couple of younger guys (yes, guys), were absolutely giddy with excitement over the possibility of meeting a celeb.  The conversation went something like this: Guy #1:  “OMG!  I heard Rich Piana is actually going to be at the booth today!”  

Guy #2:  “OMG!  I am SOOO excited!  I have wanted to meet Rich Piana for, like ever!”

Me:  “Who?”  


Both fanboys looked at me with a mixture of offense and horror and hurriedly walked off in the opposite direction.  It pays to be too big for normal people to insult.  In my defense, I actually didn’t know who the hell Rich Piana was at the time.  In fact, I didn’t know who he was until the other day when the proliferation of 5% tattoos led me to do some googling.  My Eureka moment was “Oh yeah. That’s that internet douchebag whose ‘craziest cycle I have ever done’ video clubbed about 10 of my IQ points like a baby seal.”  


Nothing against Mr. Piana.  I’ve never met him and his fans seem to be sincere in their adoration, so he’s doing something right.  I just live under a rock (an atlas stone, really) and honestly don’t care enough about any strength sports outside of strongman to follow them.  Just like the vast majority of people outside of strongman (and even some inside) don’t care enough to actually follow it.  We’re all nobody’s outside of our own little niche, conduct yourself accordingly and try not to get offended when someone else doesn’t share your passion.  


Random thought:  Rob Kearney’s log press at the Arnold was the 2nd most impressive log press I have ever seen.  The most impressive was one few other people got to see.  Krzysztof Radzikowski, backstage at the Arnold, when they allowed the athletes to try out the lighter of the two logs (the 385 pound “feather”) for a single practice rep.  Radz strict pressed it without changing the expression on his face at all…not even a hint of strain.  Bastard.  


Useful advice:  Masturbation does not actually build grip strength.  If it did, my first marriage would have granted me grip strength that puts Mike Burke to shame.  This is, sadly, not the case.  I even switched hands often, and still nada.  Not saying that this should stop you from rubbing one out, but remember that you’re not training your grip – you’re just beating off.  


                   Chris is a strongman promoter and passable masters competitor, having spent his formative years training with Steve Slater.  Chris was voted "Whitest Man in South Columbus" for three straight years and was recently named in an injury lawsuit by several Greenpeace volunteers who suffered multiple contusions after trying to drag Chris back into the ocean after he laid down on the beach.  


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